In many organizations, approval seeking disguises itself as collaboration or professionalism. We soften feedback to avoid tension. We take on extra work to avoid disappointing others. We stay silent in meetings to avoid being seen as difficult. But Adlerian psychology argues that this constant need for recognition gives away our autonomy. When your primary goal is to be liked, your decisions stop being value-driven and start being fear-driven. 

I found one of the clearest leadership models not in a business book but in Star Trek: The Next Generation’s Captain Jean-Luc Picard. Hear me out!

Curiosity is important in conflict because it shifts the goal from winning to understanding and that changes everything. When conflict shows up, especially at work or in leadership spaces, our default reaction is self-protection. We brace. We defend. We assume intent. Curiosity interrupts that instinct. Instead of leading with conclusions, it invites questions. And questions slow things down enough to create space for conversation instead of escalation.

Raises won’t fix underperformance, disengagement, or broken workplace culture. Instead of using money to avoid hard conversations, leaders must address root issues with accountability, coaching, and clear expectations.